There are kids who share naturally. You know the type. They offer toys. They wait their turn. They smile while doing it.

And then there are siblings.

In our house, “But it’s MINE” is considered a perfectly reasonable argument — even if the item in question was abandoned on the floor for days. The moment someone else touches it, it suddenly holds deep emotional value.

For a long time, I tried to do what we’re told is the “right” way. I encouraged sharing. I explained fairness. I modeled calm behavior. What I mostly modeled was quiet frustration and a nervous system working overtime.

So instead of continuing my unpaid role as referee, mediator, and part-time UN peacekeeper, I tried something different. I stopped forcing sharing. And I started naming things. And honestly, it changed more than I expected.

Some things just can’t be shared. Not in this phase. Not with developing brains. Not when emotions are already running high. Especially for kids with (mine are undiagnosed but, I mean, 80% heredity – hellooo) ADHD — and parents with ADHD — sharing can feel like losing control, losing predictability, or losing the one thing that feels safe in a loud world.

So instead of one shared item that constantly created conflict, we moved to two similar items, clearly separated and clearly named. Two sets of toolboxes, Two pencil cases. Two sets of modeling clay. Less arguing, less emotional regulation required from me, and a little more peace in everyday moments.

My latest, but greatest naming hack was the kids Christmas presents. They (ofc) got dubbel, mening a set of their own. 24 pack clay and a garden tool set. Well, the pictures specks for themself. Low budget, and the garden tools looks pretty cute with the color top!

We gifted the kids an Air dried lightclay set, it is so fun to play with and it was not our first time buying so to speak! And I also need to recommend these Markers, whey work on every surface, I used them both on the tape and the handles on the pictures above! I use them for e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, 7 years in!

Anyhow, naming works because it creates clear boundaries. And clear boundaries are calming. When something has a name, it removes the constant negotiations, the “but I had it first” discussions, and the emotional guessing game. It answers the question before it becomes a fight. This one is yours. That one is mine.

It doesn’t have to be pretty or organized in a perfect Pinterest way. Masking tape and a marker work just fine. Colors plus names help. Symbols like stars, hearts, or dinosaurs are great for kids who don’t read yet. Bins, baskets, or drawers with names give physical space, not just rules. And yes — even snacks can be named. Especially snacks.

If it can be fought over, it can be named.

Teaching kids to share is important. But teaching them that their belongings are respected matters too. Sharing is a skill that develops over time. Safety and clarity come first.

Sometimes the most regulating thing you can do for siblings is stop insisting on sharing and start creating structure instead. And if naming socks, cups, or chargers is what keeps the peace today, that doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you’re adapting.

And honestly — if a piece of tape and a marker can prevent a meltdown, that’s basically a parenting superpower.

Thank you for reading, see you soon!

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