Goodbye January, hello February

January has officially packed its bags, and honestly… thank yooou – byeee!
From Christmas break straight back into work and school. From slow mornings to alarm clocks, packed lunches, laundry piles, grocery lists, and the constant mental load that never really clocks out.

On top of that, my job includes evenings and weekends, which means less time with family and friends. Less time for… well, everything else. Home, errands, rest. You know the drill. It’s a lot. Always. Even in January.

We’ve celebrated birthdays every single weekend, and that marathon continues into February.
Little sister turned 3 years old. We started the day with our little tradition: an indoor picnic. Breakfast on a blanket in the living room, candles, presents, cozy chaos. A very happy little sister, and a big brother with very big feelings (his birthday is coming later). Emotional, beautiful, messy — but such a special day.

Getting back into routines after the holidays has been a struggle. School and preschool mornings are… not exactly magical. Getting everyone out the door often turns into pure chaos. But we do it. Because there are no other options. And somehow, every morning still ends with shoes on and doors closing behind us.

Work has been a lot lately. My brain feels full to the brim — remembering, planning ahead, keeping track of everything feels harder than usual. My job also means working evenings and weekends, and that brings a constant low-level anxiety and guilt toward my own kids.
Not seeing my children all day because I’m busy spending time with other people’s children… it’s such a conflicted feeling. I love my job — 10 years and still going strong — but things change. My kids are getting older, school schedules matter more, and the words “Mom, do you have to work tonight?” cut deeper than they used to. I really hope it doesn’t create distance or cracks I can’t see yet.

I’m in the process of trying to move on. Looking for something more daytime-based. But the job market is rough, and I’ve applied to several positions without moving forward. That stings too. It messes with my confidence and feeds that fear of being stuck. Like I’ll never get out of this loop.

Everything feels hard right now — not sad-hard, not depressive-hard — but puzzle-hard.
Time-hard. Energy-hard. Being stuck in a loop that just keeps spinning. And that’s not really me. I want more. Forward. Movement.

I constantly feel behind, especially at home. The house always ends up last on the list. First the kids. Then work. Then the house — if there’s any energy left.
The car? Let’s not even talk about the car. I don’t let people in it.

Still — there have been cozy moments and beautiful ones too. Sledding, building snow caves, skiing, trying new crafts. Cooking together, reading lots of books. Hot chocolate in unreasonable amounts now that the snow is here.

We also decided to remove the iPad. Even though it was never free access, we noticed our 7-year-old especially was affected by it — mood-wise. So we put it away. No clear end date. February will probably be screen-free too.
There was some nagging the first few days, but now? Nothing. They do other things. As they should. It feels right for our family right now.

What I really struggle with is not being in control of my own time. I know I’m not alone in that. But the thought and feeling of it are starting to give me panic. It’s not reasonable to have so little time left after work that you can’t do anything. It shouldn’t be like this. I can’t stand it.

February is already packed with birthday weekends and work. We have several house renovations we want to start, but once again — there’s no time. The hamster wheel keeps hamster-wheeling.

But then I remind myself:

Gratitude.
Healthy, wonderful children
An amazing partner by my side
A roof over our heads, clothes on our bodies, food on the table
Meaningful relationships
A job that provides an income

Grateful. Grateful. Grateful.
But also tired. Very tired. And that’s allowed.
You can hold multiple feelings at the same time.
That’s fine, i’m okay!

So — how was your January?

Thank your for reading, see you soon!